My recruiter hell - Part 3

Related tags: General advice, Blog

When I was 11, I went for interview at several private schools. On one particular occasion, the headmistress handed me a stapler and a pack of staples.

'There you go,' she said. 'Load this for me, please. You can't ask me any questions - you have to do it yourself.'

Although my existence to that point had not been particularly sheltered, I had never encountered any office equipment before. Nevertheless, I puzzled it out by a process of trial and error, handed the loaded stapler back with an angelic smile and was later offered a place at the school.

The point of this fascinating vignette is to illustrate what I'm looking for that so many of our graduate applicants lack: nous. Some recruiters bang on about soft skills, and while I am inclined to agree with them, I'm far more worried about the drop in savvy students. Or, to put it more accurately, the drop in savvy students interested in our company.

Last week I had to take delivery of some new filing cabinets for one of the offices. I rang to warn them and ask if they could prop the main doors open to make it easier for the deliverymen to get through. Unfortunately, one of the student interns answered.

Me: Hello, it's Ms X here from HR. We're sending over some new filing cabinets this afternoon, so could you please make sure the double doors are propped open at 2pm?

Intern: Oh, er, right, er, ok. Which doors?

Me (tapping pen impatiently against keyboard): The main doors.

Intern: And, so, er, which ones are those?

Me: The great big doors you open to get into the office.

Intern: So not the door by the kitchen?

Me: No, that's the fire door.

Intern: Ok. So not the doors by Mr Y's desk?

Me: No, those lead into the other office.

Intern: Right. The main doors.

Me: Yes.

Intern: And what should I use?

Me (in honeyed voice that conceals mounting rage): What should you use..?

Intern: To prop the door open.

Me: I don't know. Use your imagination.

Intern: Can I use the fire extinguisher?

Me (distracted, reading highly suspicious sick note from infamously lazy employee forwarded to me by their line manager): Go wild.

Intern: But isn't that against fire safety regulations? Should I use some books instead?

Me (shaking head at lame excuses in sick note, scenting prey): If it makes you happy.

Intern: Which books should I use?

Me (pulling aforementioned lazy employee's personnel file): I don't know which books you have in the office. Phone books?

Intern: Oh, oh, ok. So... where are they kept?

Me (wondering why I am still discussing this): I think you should ask your supervisor.

Intern: Yeah, ok. Just one more thing - how wide?

Me (blood roaring loudly in ears): How wide?

Intern: How wide should the doors be opened?

Me (red mist descends): I'm coming over.

To be continued...

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